just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
