my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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