please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
