God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
