We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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