I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
