I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
