Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
