Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
