I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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