oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
