I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
