Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
