Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
