i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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