If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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