I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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