I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
