i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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