I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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