He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
