Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
