Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i dont even know how to be here
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you never un-have a 4some
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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