There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
