Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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