connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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