I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
