If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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