Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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