So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just found puke in my bra..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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