I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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