The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Drunk is not a location!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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