Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
