this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
