Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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