Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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