Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
