Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
