dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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