Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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