If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
