Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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