i think my tv is drunk
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
