The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
