I hate your face
Where is the hickey?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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