On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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