her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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