youre lurking in front of me
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
