Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
