If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
