Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you didnt know i had herpes?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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