she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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