Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
