Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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