You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
