his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
