sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
