Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
