my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
