Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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