You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
