I think im going to throw up on grandma
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
