i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
